A medical investigation into lowering IQ scores of leading staff at the BBC Scotland ‘state-of-the-art’ media centre on the Clyde, has thrown-up (literally) traces of a rat dropping fungus in the saliva of unnamed but senior editors, presenters and reporters.
The fungus contains the bacterium ‘staffillicoccus unionitispropagandis’ which is known to cause a generalised anxiety leading to irrational defensiveness of untenable thoughts or behaviours. Professor Juan Robertonovo of the School of Tropical Diseases at the University of the West of South-America (UWS) has studied the effects of the bacterium among indigenous tribes in the Amazon rainforests. He found that, when affected, victims were more likely to seek the reassuring continuity of political control by the military dictatorship and to deny any rape, pillage or plunder that younger members of the tribe wanted to protest against.
Naemeritus Professor John ‘Whatson?’ Robertson, has suggested this might explain a number of recent incidents where Reporting Scotland staff have clearly forgotten any classes they may have had on how to read research reports. These are just a few:
Always wash your hands!