‘Arseholes for good souls!’ New independence party leader’s shocking policy proposal

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The Reverend Andrews as he might look today

BBC Scotland’s Disclosure Team can disclose more evidence of extremism in Scotland’s independence movement. Using an advanced Google search, they have found a secret memo from the founder of the Leftist even Marxist Scottish Independence Party (LEMSIP) to at least one current SNP member, launching the party at 13:00 today and then launching his bid for party leadership at 13:01 today. The founder, known as the Reverend Archie ‘The Saint’ Andrews, insists that only 100% support from the two current members, including Mrs Andrews, can confirm his leadership.

If elected, Andrews will stand for election to the Scottish Parliament on a platform of population exchange to provide what he describes as a ’5-year plan’ to win the next Independence referendum.

Controversially, ever-so-slightly, the proposal titled ‘Arseholes for good souls!’ will demand a population exchange scheme, funded by the Home Office, to transfer 1 million stubborn No-voters in return for at least 1 million left-leaning, neighbourly, witty and casually-dressed English folk. Recognising that England may have as many as 10 million such good folk, Andrews is prepared to take up to 2 million as long as we can choose ‘the brightest and best’ and especially those younger, fitter and more willing to look after the elderly. Successful applicants will also have to be willing to live in the more neglected parts of the country and to support one of the smaller struggling football clubs.

Andrews’ full proposal with rationale written by Russian academic, Joseph Stalin Jnr and implementation plan written by Serbian academic Ratko Mladić Jnr, will be available online at some point.

Serious early applicants for either the arsehole or the good soul transfer programme should write to the Reverend via the TuS comments below.

 

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IT’s back! ‘The Demonising 2’: BBC Scotland remove all Brown stuff in preparation for backdoor examination of Salmond

ASheadlineDrec‘Sex rap case cops’? Is that a self-mocking parody of journalism by a wee trainee? No, it’s the Daily Record innit?

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Is ‘assisting’ usually a euphemism suggesting dirty deeds? Me paranoid?

ASheadlineNat

Wait, isn’t the National on ‘our side’? What ‘balanced professional journalism’? They had to give it prominence like the Nomedia? Why? 

BBC Scotland’s callous clearance from their decks, of former PM Gordon Brown’s sort of pro-Scottish intervention, has opened up space to return to the ‘Salmond Sex Shock Scandal Shenanigans Chagrin.’ Popular blogger and seer, Indyref2, has checked the data and has confirmed the latest explicitly anti-Independence tactic by BBC Scotland News:

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Against a background of all-round competence by the SNP big cats, our Nomedia has had to remake The Demonising with former FM Alex Salmond again in the leading role. Alleged Professor, Dr John Robertson, MEd, Dip Ed, Dip Ed, Cert Ed, Cert Ed, Cert Ed, Leaping Wolf, will not be asked to reprise his role as Salmond’s defender as he is, according to BBC Scotland editor, Edward Plantagenet, ‘a blahdee decwepit confoused eeold gout.’

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So-called ‘Prof’ Robertson, caricatured only a wee bit, in his time at Newsnet.scot before signing a gagging clause.

The Demonising was filmed in 2014 after Prof Red Robbo’s team had fucked up their research with more than six typos and wrong dates but, despite that, Robertson was invited to defend his work in Holyrood. His defence, the unfortunate appearance of BBC Scotland hie heidyins and the publishing of the research online, all went viral, even making the pages of the then widely-read Scotsman.

https://www.scotsman.com/news/politics/bbc-portrayed-alex-salmond-as-figure-of-fun-1-3335594

Comments made by the Scotsman’s atrocious wee trolls have been removed, I see.

Going forward, remember to be aware of Indyref2’s resident seer and his predictions.

Indyrefseer

indyref2seer2

 

Sir David Attenborough condemns BBC Scotland decision to abandon dinosaur preservation target

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One of the last ‘big beasts’ from the Corbyniferous period of antiquity, still found in Britain, the Broonasaurus, has died after a period of oxygen starvation caused by a decision to switch off the supply from BBC Scotland. Allegedly, Reporting Scotland editor, Edward Plantagenet, took the fateful decision after the Broonasaurus was heard, according to him, ‘muttering incoherently but dangerously about some spurious threat of a power grab of EU powers from Edinburgh Zoo and their relocation to the Tory Exhibition Cages at Whipsnade.’

Attenborough was allegedly heard to say:

‘I’ve no time for these aged rambling monsters from the past, myself but all life is sacred, even those smelly humps, and that editor at BBC Scotland, to embrace the local patois, is just a fucking wee prick.’

Attenborough’s sincerity has however been questioned given the alleged discovery in his bin, by a younger Michael Gove, then a presenter on Channel 4’s ‘A Stab in the Dark’ (1992), that Attenborough had been purchasing pre-packed M&S Parma ham and canned wine!

https://www.theneweuropean.co.uk/top-stories/a-stab-in-the-dark-when-michael-gove-rifled-through-david-attenborough-rubbish-1-5724763

This move, adjusting its dinosaur preservation target from one to zero, brings BBC Scotland News neatly into line with nearly all public services with headquarters in England.

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The Broonasaurus had a fatally limited reach and so could not catch  little yessers

The death of the Broonasaurus comes only months after the disappearance from our screens of previous favourite of BBC Scotland reporters, the Murphedactyl. This sharp-beaked, flying dinosaur, had been a regular feature of Reporting Scotland broadcasts including the dramatic moment when scurrying little hot-blooded mammals, yessers, had stolen its eggs and thrown them back at the Murphedactyl as he attempted to launch himself from his favourite Iron Bru crates, breaking one of his wings.

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The Murphedactyl prepares to bite

Before this decision by Plantagenet, the first since his appointment by royal decree, BBC Scotland news had been a haven for endangered large dinosaurs such as the Murphedactyl, the Broonasaurus and the lordly but fatally small-mouthed Robertsonasaur.

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It’s clear that BBC Scotland has tired of the old dinosaurs’ lumbering and ineffectual interventions in the campaign against the formidable big cats of the SNP. This marks the end of the Cretinaceous period for BBC Scotland News as they move to invest in a safe home for a range of small but sneaky rodent-like mammals, from the Jurassicc period, which they hope can at least nip the tails of the SNP’s big cats.

 

More reader misery for Scots as news misrepresentation hits new low

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After NHS Scotland, Scotrail features as a regular target of faked news, forming a central plank in the Loyalist Nomedia agenda, attempting to undermine the SNP administration by association with some kind of constructed failures.

The two headlines above say it all and, probably, for many, are all that they see as they drift past the stands or, in the rare circumstance that they have bought a copy, past the story. Of course, the people at Reporting Scotland are feeding vampirically on it.

Deep in the reports where only the brave dare to [t]read, we find:

‘Operator ScotRail says the recent Storm Ali was mainly to blame as cancellations hit 3.66 per cent of services across the country between 16 September and 13 October. Many axed services are also down to Network Rail which maintains the tracks and has seen engineering works run over.’

Deeper, deeper and down, we find that 2.3% of the 3.66% was attributed to the storm and the amber weather warning. So, in that period only 1.36% of services were cancelled due to factors that might lead to blame being laid fairly at ScotRail’s door? Was that a new low? A new record in reliability?

Of course, we had to hear an answer to that from a Labour Branch-line spokesperson:

Labour transport spokesperson Colin Smyth said: “ScotRail’s cancellations are now the worst on record, with more and more passengers being left stranded. The number of services being cancelled is now more than triple the same period of previous years – meaning ScotRail’s failings are getting worse.’

https://www.scotsman.com/news/politics/more-scots-commuter-misery-as-train-cancellations-hit-new-high-1-4828693

To be in the Labour Party, back in the day, he’d have had to change his name from ‘Smyth’ to ‘Smith’, I think. Anyhow, unless he insists on pretending Strom Ali didn’t happen, it’s a bare-faced lie, of course.

Also, see this in June 2018 on services in England:

‘Around 8,000 services on GTR have so far been cancelled or severely delayed, while some 5,000 Northern trains have suffered the same fate since 20 May – excluding two days of strikes when 2,000 trains were pulled in advance.’

https://www.theguardian.com/business/2018/jun/09/uk-railways-great-timetable-fiasco-whats-gone-wrong

 

Economic contribution of Scottish women-owned businesses grows by nearly twice the rate of UK

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(c) smartchristianwoman

From one of our favourite sources of evidence-based optimism for Scotland, Insider, today:

‘Women-owned businesses contribute £8.8 billion to the Scottish economy and £105 billion to the UK economy, according to new research from the Federation of Small Businesses (FSB). Their contribution to the Scottish economy grew by a staggering 76 per cent from £5 billion GVA in 2012 to £8.8 billion figure in 2015. The increase in the contribution to the UK economy was 40 per cent over that period. Scotland’s women-owned businesses are now responsible for creating 231,000 Scottish jobs, up from 153,000 in 2012.’

https://www.insider.co.uk/news/fsb-womens-enterprise-scotland-business-13579854

Now, this is the bit where I usually list earlier reports on the same topic so after searching TuS for reports mentioning ‘women’ or even the retrograde bio-essentialist (!) term ‘female’, we find:

Abuse of women and the disabled far higher in England than in Scotland

BBC Scotland once more hide SNP Government’s policy success to create scare on obesity in women

Scottish politics is third best in world for women’s empowerment and well ahead of UK

Scotland first again, again and again: women on public boards?

East Dunbartonshire and East Renfrewshire best places in UK for women to live in

Interesting news for the DUP/Tory alliance: Women from Northern Ireland could get free abortions in Scotland

Scotland outperforms the rest of the UK with overall lower unemployment and lower unemployment for women and the young.

As reported levels of violence against women soar in England and Wales they seem to be falling in Scotland. Will this be reported?

Could do better, I think. Not enough on women controlling their own lives.

My only and last use of ‘female’ (I’ll stop now) was:

Maybe we’ll beat England now as the number of female footballers in Scotland has doubled since 2011

 

 

 

‘Scottish’ Daily Express fake news on obesity

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There’s evidence and there’s evidence in the debate about obesity. There’s ‘research’ by a company manufacturing a natural alternative sweetener, NatVia, sold in competition with cane sugar. There’s research by Atomik who provide ‘business insights that support decisions’ and ‘research that hits nationwide headlines.’ Or, there’s research by the London School of Hygiene and Tropical Medicine. The last of the three published peer-reviewed research in May 2018 which offered evidence that the childhood obesity increase in Scotland was likely to flatten out and even reduce, unlike that elsewhere in the UK. The researchers also explicitly credited Scottish Government policy initiatives and resource allocation strategies for this improvement. At the time BBC Scotland misrepresented this report to remove any whiff of that credit.

Needless to say, the Express went for the first two, partisan, non-peer-reviewed, surveys to produce fake news for their Scottish readers. Based on the NatVia study:

‘Scottish children risking obesity with high sugar intake: A third are already too fat. Scottish children risk a lifetime of ill health by exceeding their daily recommended sugar intake in treats alone, a survey has found. They are eating 45g of sugar – the equivalent of 10 teaspoons every day – double official guidelines for the youngest age group.’

Then:

‘According to the Atomik Research survey of 2,000 people, children north of the Border attend an average of 10 birthday parties a year where they gorge on 2,670g of sugar. Easter weekend sees them consume an average of 392g of sugar, 259g at Hallowe’en – and 1,628g over Christmas.’

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© JANE BARLOW/PA WIRE:

I’m saying nothing. I won’t be accused of an abusive ism.

Finally, and irony-free, we got this:

‘Scottish Tory health spokesman Miles Briggs said: “Public attitudes to sugar are changing, but we need consumers, industry and both of Scotland’s governments to work together. This year, the UK Government led the way on tackling the obesity problem with a high sugar content levy. “We now need to see the SNP match that ambition – and bring forward real action to improve the health and nutrition of young Scots.”’

https://www.express.co.uk/news/uk/1044030/scottish-children-obesity-sugar-intake

So, to the reliable research, ignored because its findings didn’t fit the agenda.

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Based on research led by Laura Webber of the London School of Hygiene and Tropical Medicine:

‘Under current trends it is predicted that 11 per cent of the population in Wales will be morbidly obese in 2035, roughly 340,000 adults, while Scotland is likely to plateau at about 5 per cent and England will rise to about 8 per cent.’

The researchers offer a surprisingly clear, confident and simple explanation for the significantly slower growth in Scotland – Scottish Government policy initiatives and resource allocation:

‘The government [Scottish] put a massive push on developing a route map for how we can actually combat this. They put together resources from the NHS [Scotland] that were proving to be effective. They did put a lot of work into it.’

https://www.independent.co.uk/news/health/morbid-obesity-double-britain-poverty-education-employment-study-a8369731.html

Further evidence of the effectiveness of the above initiatives:

‘However, almost no 15-to-24-year-old males in Scotland are expected to fall within this category, compared to 6% of the same group in England, the data shows.’

https://www.eveningexpress.co.uk/news/five-million-british-people-will-be-morbidly-obese-by-2035-study-shows-2/

Some Scots must be buying the Express. The English medieval soldier in the banner is clearly an attraction.

 

A truly pivotal moment as the complex Brexit process draws towards its denouement

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From reader Ludo Thierry:

The beeb RS editor Julian Parsons-Bottom is clearly a busy, busy chap and seems to have missed a fairly significant Court Case that has been passed up to the CJEU by the Court of Session for consideration (despite the Westminster Govt’s belated efforts to prevent this) – and is due to start to be heard around November 27th.

As this seems a fairly important matter which Mr. Parsons-Bottom hasn’t yet come to terms with, could I request the good offices of TUS to circulate a link and snippets for a useful (and short) piece on the Scottish Legal site offering info on this – perhaps critical – development in the UK brexit dog’s breakfast? I’m not usually a great fan of The Deus Ex Machina literary device but – perhaps – if the CJEU decide in favour of common good sense then the Westminster Parliament will have a way out of the current disaster (should they choose to use it – but that’s a different episode altogether): (In all honesty Julian I would have thought it deserved just the tiniest mention on good old beeb Scotland – but what do I know?):

https://www.scottishlegal.com/article/elaine-motion-brexit-case-highlights-how-language-matters-in-both-law-and-politics

Elaine Motion, executive chairman at Balfour+Manson, writes on the significance of language in the Article 50 case currently before the courts.

Language is critical in politics and the law, not least in the unfolding political and legal machinations of the Brexit process.

The Article 50 letter of revocation stated the United Kingdom’s “intention” to withdraw from the European Union – and the word intention is crucial in this context. The implication is that an “intention” can change and that the UK can therefore change its mind about withdrawal, as long as it is following its constitution as an EU member state.

The specific issue – of whether Westminster can decide, legally, to unilaterally withdraw the letter of revocation of EU membership – has never been considered before. And as it is very clearly a question of EU law, it is the CJEU that needs to answer the question as no other court can do it.

MP Joanna Cherry (SNP) was amongst the petitioners. She was joined by Green Members of the Scottish Parliament Andy Wightman and Ross Greer, MEPs David Martin (Labour) and Alyn Smith (SNP), as well as Jolyon Maugham QC.

The UK government has thus far kept silent on whether the letter can be unilaterally revoked – all it has said is that the government will not revoke.

However, it is not a decision for government, but for Parliament – and the petitioners wish to know the answer as that will inform Parliamentarians in any meaningful vote.

Last Thursday 8 November, the UK government’s request to appeal against the decision at the UK Supreme Court of Session was refused by the Court of Session.

The CJEU has made it clear that it recognises this as an urgent and important issue – and have therefore expedited the hearing process. All member states and institutions have the opportunity to lodge observations and to be heard by 27 November.

The argument of the petitioners is that Article 50 can be revoked unilaterally by the UK Parliament – and there is nothing explicit in Article 50 to say that this is not allowed. Indeed, to be able to do so fits with the ethos of the European Union – and not to allow a change of mind would effectively amount to an expulsion. Again, there is no suggestion that this is allowed under Article 50.

With the case fast-tracked because of its significance, the CJEU might deliver its verdict before Christmas. For Jolyon Maugham and the petitioners, it could mean – as Maugham has said – a lovely gift: Brexit was just a bad dream. Others will take a rather different view.

However, for both sides, this is a truly pivotal moment as the complex Brexit process draws towards its denouement. How the European judges define “intention” will be crucial, showing once again that language really does matter.

Anyone remember that scene in Dallas when Bobby came out of the bathroom having taken a shower and all the storylines of the previous episode (culminating in Bobby’s untimely demise) had turned out to be Pamela having ‘ ..a dream..’ – That is my favourite Deus Ex Machina moment to date – but this CJEU case could smash it out of sight!