BBC Nurse Stewart administers the pro-anxiety drug Scotanx

 

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Open wide, you’ll feel much worse, I mean better, sorree, after this kicks in.

Reporting Scotland mental health nurse, Graham Stewart, administered today’s pro-anxiety dose at 06:27am, using the new Scotanx from Rechem. Scotanx is an exciting new product based on the Sovietanx psychotoxin used by Pravda and tailored to the needs of many of Reporting Scotland’s older viewers.

BBC Scotland Audience Counsel heads for Pacific Quay (c) cartoonsnap

Based on practice by BBC Charge Nurse McRatched, Scotanx has been found to be most effective when delivered in the early morning to reinforce the effects of the stress hormone cortisol.

One Flew Over The Cuckoos Nest 03

Today’s dose has been increased in response to four recent sub-polls suggesting a surge in your SNP pressure reading. UK pollsters have been asked to monitor things carefully.

The dose consisted of 10-30ms of:

  1. The Brexit crisis continues. Contraindications: Patients should not be allowed to read or watch anything by SNP Brexit Minister, Professor Mike Russell.
  2. Continuing financial problems for Scotland’s police service may inhibit its ability to adopt new technology. Contraindications: Patients should not be allowed to read Dr Robertson’s: Police Scotland more than fifteen times better at clearing up robberies than English forces! or BBC Scotland with Tories INSERTS LIES about ‘systemic problems’ as Police and Fire reform leads to actual and major benefits
  3. Sepsis kills more than 50 000 people each year in the UK. Contraindications: Patients should not be allowed calculators to work out what the headline would be for Scotland or to read Dr Robertson’s: Scottish Tory finds massive 21% reduction in deaths from Sepsis under SNP
  4. College lecturers on strike four times already: Contraindications: Patients should not be allowed to read or to watch:EIS members accept improved teachers’ pay offer as strike averted’ by Jamie McIvor BBC Scotland education correspondent at: https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-scotland-47720300

 Some earlier reports from the Scottish Journal of PsychOps on BBC Scotland’s ‘We’re doing well out of the status quo so just vote No’ campaign:

The Power of Early Morning Nightmares: The consequences including even death at home for expectant mothers of BBC Scotland’s reporting of one stillbirth

The Power of Early Morning Nightmares and Expectant Mothers: BBC Scotland callously undermines the morale of midwives, their patients, expectant mothers and their relatives, with highly selective and un-contextualised information

The Power of Nightmares: Waking up to early morning bad news on BBC Scotland and fearing the unknown

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3 thoughts on “BBC Nurse Stewart administers the pro-anxiety drug Scotanx

  1. Ludo Thierry March 28, 2019 / 12:43 pm

    Beeb Scotland will need to order up significant new supplies of scotanx from Rechem given the superb news about Scottish sustainable electricity generation figures (a new record) reported on news.gov.scot site today. Alternatively beeb Scotland could follow their fall-back strategy of simply omitting to mention the record renewable electricity generation (and electricity EXPORT) figures achieved during 2018. Link and snippets below:

    https://news.gov.scot/news/renewable-electricity-at-record-levels

    Renewable electricity at record levels

    Equivalent of 74.6% of gross electricity consumption was from renewable sources.

    Renewable electricity generation in Scotland reached record levels in 2018, the latest figures from the Department for Business, Energy and Industrial Strategy (BEIS) show.

    Generation in Scotland was 26,708 GWh, a 6.1% increase on the previous record in 2017. This output of electricity is the equivalent of powering all households in Scotland for more than two-and-a-half years.

    The latest statistics also show:

    • the growth of Scotland’s renewable electricity capacity continues – rising from 10.0 GW in 2017 to 10.9 GW in 2018

    • 2018 saw a big increase in electricity generated via offshore wind, with capacity and generation both more than doubling compared to 2017. Generation increased from 616 GWh in 2017 to 1,369 GWh in 2018. Capacity has increased from 246 MW to 623 MW

    • it was also a record year for electricity exports in Scotland; net exports have almost doubled from 12,868 GWh in 2017 to 24,379 GWh in 2018

    Scotland’s Energy Minister Paul Wheelhouse said: “Despite damaging policy changes from the UK Government since 2015, particularly in terms of impacts on onshore wind, we continue to provide strong support for Scotland’s renewable energy sector. Generation and infrastructure investment continues, not least because of the importance in preventing the damaging impacts of climate change.”

    NOTE the DOUBLING of electricity NET EXPORTS folks.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Gerry Robertson (I repeat no relation although my loss) March 28, 2019 / 7:58 pm

    It seems the BBC RS should only be available on prescription but just for the >60’s where it is much more effective.

    Like

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