Leading charity warns ‘Reporting Scotland are just at it now!’


The Royal Society for the Reduction of Anxiety in the Vulnerable (RSRAV) has published a report condemning BBC Reporting Scotland’s venture in the world of alternative mental health therapies. After an approach by the Labour, Conservative and LibDem shadowy health ministers suggesting that SNP initiatives may be making the more vulnerable members of society les anxious than is good for them or for their voting behaviour, BBC Scotland has launched a new, slow-release, once every 12 days dose of EMPIG – Early-morning Propaganda Is Good. EMPIG works best if the dose is delivered before 7am when patients are at their most susceptible to fear enhancement. EMPIG works best with those over 65, those with pre-existing mental health problems, pregnant and young mothers and has been shown in trials to make patients averse to change including constitutional change. EMPIG is effective even if only given every 12 days thus enabling Reporting Scotland to gather evidence that they are not biased, between doses.

Today, 22nd October 2018, the second trial dose was administered in six sub-doses during BBC Breakfast, starting at 06:27am. The dose contained these proven generalised anxiety-inducing elements, HS (health scare), H (homelessness), P (policing) and FR (financial risk):

  1. ‘Opportunities are being missed to help people rebuild their lives after the diagnosis of a heart, chest or stroke condition. That’s according to a charity….’
  2. ‘Scottish ministers are being urged to bring forward legislation to place a seven-day limit on the use of unsuitable temporary homeless accommodation. Charity….’
  3. ‘Police are getting increasingly concerned…’
  4. ‘Urgent work on People’s Palace…risk, cost….’
  5. Subliminal message: ‘There now you feel depressed and anxious again. That’s good. Feel like constitutional change? No, just want to curl up? OK we’ll finish with a nice wee story about the weather. It’ll be quite nice. You can go for a wee walk and do some mindfulness. There you go. Byeeeee.’

The first does of EMPIG, with the same fear elements, was delivered, on the 10th October 2018, at 06:23am in 6 sub-doses every 30 minutes, during the BBC Breakfast programme. The only report available at this time is by the far-too-cheeky, Professor Robertson at:

Feeling optimistic about Scotland after Nicola’s speech eh? BBC Scotland’s Disturbance Team have the cure for that – the horror… the horror..the….

A representative of the RSRAV said: ‘Quite frankly Reporting Scotland are just at it now!’

By 1.30pm, Reporting Scotland had adopted a more optimistic account of life in Scotland. An explanation for the effectiveness of early morning scare stories is here:

The Power of Early Morning Nightmares: The consequences including even death at home for expectant mothers of BBC Scotland’s reporting of one stillbirth




6 thoughts on “Leading charity warns ‘Reporting Scotland are just at it now!’

  1. William Henderson October 22, 2018 / 3:15 pm

    “Labour, Conservative and LibDem shadowy health ministers”

    Made me spill my coffee, that one!

    Liked by 1 person

      • William Henderson October 22, 2018 / 5:07 pm

        Worth it!


  2. Brian McGowan October 22, 2018 / 5:26 pm

    agreed, I’m still laughing

    Liked by 1 person

  3. johnrobertson834 October 22, 2018 / 6:22 pm

    I should be on the stage. The last one leaving town! Only older cowboy film watchers need attempt this joke.


  4. Alasdair Macdonald October 22, 2018 / 10:09 pm

    The scare today was about people who have had a stroke. According to Chest Heart and Stroke Association (I have made contributions to them for many years) ‘one in five Scottish stroke sufferers does not get proper rehabilitation’. Clearly, as a long term supporter I want to ensure that patients get as much help as possible, but, as with recent headlines on the BBC the figure comes from patients who were asked, ‘do you think you get as good a treatment as you deserve?’ So, it was the views of a self-selecting group, with an – understandable – self-interest. It was not data derived from the actual provision being made according to current clinical standards.

    Liked by 1 person

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