Ruth Davidson and Alex Rowley call off alleged wrestling match after Kezia allegedly says ‘What’s the point when Scotland’s A&E services are so good you couldn’t enjoy your opponent’s suffering for more than a few minutes?’

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© comedy.co.uk, the national.scot, telegraph.co.uk

I know I’m repeating myself by mentioning that Scotland’s A&E service surpassed the 95% treated in 4 hours or less target this month but I thought this story of admittedly dubious provenance (professorial talk eh?) made it worth the repetition.

Only 191 read my report on the target in:

Kezia to Nicola: ’94.7%? That’s disgraceful, 0.3% below target. Resign!’

Yet, 13 754 read:

Ruth and Kezia sob as they hear Scotland is ranked as the best place in the UK to start a business. Will this good news never end?

I clearly have something to learn about headline writing.

Back to the main story. Allegedly, Ruth nearly knocked Alex over as she barged, typically, past him muttering that he sounds like Gary Tank Commander’s dad. NOW let me be absolutely clear, that I like both Alex Rowley and Gary Tank Commander. I’m frae the East coast myself, like, but they do sound a bit alike, like, and they look a bit like father and son, like. I think Alex is also not that opposed to independence, aye?

Here they are so you can compare yourself:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FyssUjw5U3s

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mm36yBGs4Iw

Anyhoo, Alex allegedly suggested that Ruth looked a bit like a wrestler. She then challenged him to a fight. Realising her alleged advantages of youth and nastiness, he declined the offer, suggested she stick to wrestling buffaloes, see above, and then Kezia made the valid point in the headline.

Just in passing Kezia’s voice reminds me of my days as a teacher. I’d come back in after lunch-break to find the boys in their seats, bloodied, hair tousled and ties squint but a queue of girls at my desk with complaints delivered in whiny voices like Kezia:

‘Mr Robertson, Jennifer said my mum is a tart!’

Some of this may be untrue. I’m just reporting what I heard.

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16 thoughts on “Ruth Davidson and Alex Rowley call off alleged wrestling match after Kezia allegedly says ‘What’s the point when Scotland’s A&E services are so good you couldn’t enjoy your opponent’s suffering for more than a few minutes?’

  1. Bugger (the Panda) July 30, 2017 / 8:17 pm

    You should retweet it a couple of times yourself.

    Add a word or two, different each time to the automatic headline Twitter gives it and it becomes a different story, to Twitter.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Bugger (the Panda) July 30, 2017 / 8:36 pm

      Until your blogging is known about and people develop the habit of reading and wanting to read it further, you need to suck them away from Twitter, Facebook and other social media sites,

      Project yourself into where they are and they will rediffuse the message

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Contrary July 31, 2017 / 7:26 am

    You do Twitter, John? Gosh. That is incredibly modern, I’ll have to check it out – I haven’t been brave enough myself to embark on such an open forum. Yet. Something new will come along soon enough and replace it, and people using using it still seem to be sorting out proper etiquette – I’ll leave them to fix that before I consider it.

    I had a good chuckle over this article – is there any part of it even slightly true? Are you indulging in fully embracing gossip to the extreme here?! Possibly, maybe, the headline needs a bit of work to make it a bit more snappy – though, the good thing about a long complex headline is folks will just skip it and go straight to the body of the article 🙂

    Maybe you could have a Sunday gossip column? It’ll keep us all waiting in suspense for our Sunday entertainment, and I am sure suspense is good for keeping readers engaged, and making it regular is good for the need for a nice routine. Maybe, anyway – you know better than me!

    Interesting that the radio is reporting on DWP cap, the ruling that the benefits cap is illegal for single parents, and have ONLY mentioned the UK government. Do you think they are beginning to realise that if they keep bringing up the possibility that the Scottish government should be covering all the mad austerity cuts from Westminster, then we should really just be fiscally autonomous? Quite satisfying that Douglas Ross has been given a reasonably hard time, there was no mention of the SNP – this is good and bad because Mr Ross mentioned discretionary housing payments, which I believe is a Scottish government mitigation of Tory austerity, good because the SNP isn’t being accused of introducing said austerity – and they are very clearly saying UK gov’t, not just leaving us to guess which gov’t they mean. Still takes a lot of effort to put their reports into perspective, which most people will not even try to do,,, we need a solution,,, I’m thinking hard on it.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Contrary July 31, 2017 / 8:17 am

      Ah yes, the radio is now taking a tiny clip of what Douglas Ross said, the implication being that the Scottish government is not doing anything about high rents – not a mention of the Scottish government still, strangely, or not so strangely… I was rummaging around the scotgov website yesterday for info on private tenancies because of this news item:

      https://news.gov.scot/news/tenants-and-landlords-to-benefit-from-new-regulations

      And found that they’d passed a bill last year:

      https://news.gov.scot/news/private-tenancies-bill-passed

      These are to control rent and security of tenancies, and control how agencies behave. So, the Scottish government has already taken action, which Douglas Ross should know about having recently departed the Scottish Parliament, and said government is getting on with the Day Job, dealing with all our inequalities and unfairness in a respectable step by step way. Did anyone else notice this? I would have looked up how Douglas Ross voted on this bill if I had the time, unfortunately I have my own day job (apparently) and not enough time!

      Like

      • Contrary July 31, 2017 / 7:47 pm

        Alleged hearsay regarding a rumour that was passed on through a third party, perhaps?

        Like

  3. Clydebuilt July 31, 2017 / 8:56 am

    Think your skating on thin ice here John.

    Apparently rumour has it that since The Rev. is suing Kez. Labour’s top brass are looking to bolster their salaries by suing at any opportunity. Apparently rumour has it that maybe Ruthless probably did in fact knock Garry Tank commander’s lookalike father over.

    Like

      • Contrary July 31, 2017 / 7:49 pm

        And allegedly sailing close to the wind. Maybe time to change tack?

        Like

  4. Ludo Thierry July 31, 2017 / 12:24 pm

    Hi Prof – I enjoyed this bit of ‘alleged’ juicy gossip – it has a certain believable quality doesn’t it? Not sure what that tells us about unionist politics in Scotland?

    Back to the day job:

    Did anyone notice the FOI stats released by the Scottish Courts and Tribunal Service (SCTCS) re. arrest warrants issued for ‘non-appearance’ in Court? – Some poor msm hack/unionist party researcher must be weeping in their gin and tonic. The stats show a welcome reduction in those ‘no-appearing’ in court cases in Scotland. Non-appearances in ‘solemn’ cases (involving juries – cost up to £9,160 in lost court time).

    Spokesman for SCTS explained: “Failure to attend hearings causes inconvenience and delays. SCTS and justice agencies work hard to ensure that cases proceed on schedule and the figures show that the number of arrest warrants issued reduced from 2015-16 to 2016-17 and continues to reduce.” (In 2015-16 24,303 warrants issued – down to 22,312 in 2016-17).

    Is there no end to the awfulness of this money saving, Court process improving SNP baad Scottish Govt?

    Meanwhile on Colonsay: Huge cheers being given to the Wild Island Botanic Gin. This new brand (7 months since launch) has won the top prize in the International Wines and Spirits Competition – The industry Oscars).

    This is a collaboration between Wild Botanic Gin of Colonsay and Langley’s Distillery (of Oldbury, West Midlands) one of the oldest family owned distilleries in UK – with some of the oldest working stills..

    Hand-picked plants from Colonsay (lemon balm, wild water mint, meadowsweet, sea buckthorn, heather flowers and bog myrtle) are infused in the grain spirit.

    Wild Island Gin is stocked in 300 off and on-licence premises in Scotland, 2 Michelin starred restaurants, and Selfridges Dept. Stores. Has good distribution in England and Northern Ireland and is negotiating distribution in 6 metropolitan areas in USA. They are about to start small-scale distillery in their premises on Colonsay to produce special one-off expressions of the gin focussing on seasonal produce and experimenting with different ingredients.

    Keith Bonnington sales director @Wild Botanic Gin said “..we remain firmly focussed on our roots on the Isle of Colonsay and work hard to promote the gin and the island to as many people as possible.”

    I’m sure the Better Together folk must be gnashing their teeth when they hear how good, hard-working businesses in Scotland and other parts of UK find ways to collaborate together to produce world beating products – whilst seeing huge value in maintaining their own special ‘National’ identities which add so much to the products and brands.

    Will no-one save us from this SNP baad Scottish Govt which promotes and fosters these encouraging world class business links???

    Like

    • Contrary August 1, 2017 / 6:57 pm

      I’ve been trying to figure out what this figure is in relation to, the 95.5%, and just realised its probably the A&E times target?! I’m not being too quick these days, eh?

      Like

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