I have a plan!
As the Scottish Labour Party in Scotland loses support to the Scottish Tories and to the SNP, attracted by unionist loyalty on the one wing and ‘The Real McKay’ progressive taxation on the other, its leader plans to abandon progressive politics to the SNP and to outflank the Tories on the extreme right. It’s basically a further extension of the Blair plan which was so successful in 1997.
The Kenneth Williams lookalike, Richard Leonard, supported by a gang of likeminded colleagues such as Andy Kerr and Jim Dempster, with the shock Brown Boilersuits from the GMB, on the streets, plans to ‘clean-up’ the Party by forcing out muslims, catholics, LGBTs and jews. Hindus will be allowed, on a technicality over rights to symbolism. Note the GMB was formerly the German-style Master-bakers of Britain union until, like the German Shepherd, their name became unpopular before WWI. While current GMB official, Rhea Wolfson, is thought to have a good name to lead the Brown Boilersuits and was effective in the recent Operation Brassneck, other undisclosed factors will, of necessity, lead to her departure.
Once the party has become properly WASPy, new policies such as ‘British Jobs for British Workers!’, based on the words of former Labour PM, Gordon Brownshirt, and Ian Paisley’s ‘No pot pourri here!’ will be presented to the voters.
Stage 2 of the plan will be full merger with the DUP in Northern Ireland to further strengthen the movement’s tough as schist discipline. The DUP’s current leader has promised to stay on after the merger and her name change to Arbeitistgut Voerster.
Stage 3 of the plan will be adoption of the Old Testament as a manifesto and the singing of Onward Christian Soldiers at conference.
Polls have already indicated that the new LDUP will have some success. Though it may actually strengthen their hated enemies the ‘Separatists’ as minorities and women flee, its hard-right policies will attract many Tories (Murder Fraser?) and its presence on the streets, is expected to keep the Lib Dems nervously behind their curtains.
Expert on anything you care to ask, Professor Johann von Robertskinweiner, now at the Universidad Catholica in Uruguay, was consulted but had to be taken away quickly, shouting:
‘Hitler! Hitler! Hitler! Hitler! Hitler! Hitler! Hitler! Hitler! Hitler! Hitler! Hitler! Hitler! Hitler! Hitler!….go on ban me! I double dare you………..aaaaaaaaaa’
Talking-up Scotland 
John
In the wake of the controversy over Grouse Beater’s post on this, I think this is ill advised. I suggest you reflect on this post and delete it in case it attracts the same response that Grouse Beater’s post did. You do some great work, but this oversteps it a bit for me.
Cheers
Andy
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‘In the wake of the controversy over Grouse Beater’s post’
That’s just why i did it
Ridicule deserved?
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Haranguing passers-by from his balcony on the Via Mussolini, Riccardo Leonardo minced–“Stop messin’ ’bout”, then—–“carry on without the ballot box, with millions of our Brown-Nose followers on the streets, we can go round the horn until we are beyond—-our—Ken.
Our avuncular (haha) leader, Rambling Syd Rumpo will lead, unleashing Polari and double-entendres on our witless foe”.
“J Peasmold Gruntfuttock will Never Shurrenduur to the Others”! NEVER!…….. And certainly not twice”!
“However, our watchword must be intaethem, quick! The Scorrish (sic) Tories surreptitiously look to Big Arlene for leadership of a certain kind. If we want to be in the Queens Eleven, we will have to get our Orange *safety* Sashes on, and get down to the Lodge. Pronto”!
“In the eternal words of our Glorious movement……….. Dae whit yer telt, when ye’re telt”!
‘N’ nae talkin’ back Kezia “!
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Good stuff. I like it mein herr!
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Might we be witnessing the advent of Scotland’s answer to that incomparable comic creation of P.G. Wodehouse, namely, Roderick Spode, 7th Earl of Sidcup?
Bertie Wooster describes him thus: “About seven feet in height, and swathed in a plaid ulster which made him look about six feet across, he caught the eye and arrested it. It was as if Nature had intended to make a gorilla, and had changed its mind at the last moment.” (Note the ‘..plaid ulster..’ reference – further evidence of the DUP connection I suspect).
Gussie Fink-Nottle offers further useful evidence: Bertie learns how accurate his initial impression of Spode was when Gussie tells him that Spode is the leader of a fascist group called the Saviours of Britain, also known as the Black Shorts. Gussie says of Spode, “His general idea, if he doesn’t get knocked on the head with a bottle in one of the frequent brawls in which he and his followers indulge, is to make himself a Dictator.” (Now – be Honest – which group of hard rightist, green ink letter writing bam-pots do the ‘Saviours of Britain’ remind one of? The thought of History Woman in Black Shorts (Footer Bags as
Bertie calls them) is simply too grotesque for even an Hieronymus Bosch-type imagination).
In the TV series the Spode character is shown making speeches to the small band of Saviours of Britain about the inalienable birthright of all true-born Britons to receive a BRITISH bicycle and a BRITISH umbrella (or similarly crazed manifesto promises). Now – again – Be Honest – Could it be that dangerously unhinged speech about “BRITISH Jobs for BRITISH Workers” that comes rushing to mind?
Suspect you might be on to something here – something big. Hold The Front Page!
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Very clever Prof. I like it.
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Here’s hoping famed American ‘huntress’ Clarissa Lipstick doesn’t mistakenly take a pot-shot at a Grouse Beater whilst mis-aiming at an ‘iconic’ Robin Red Breast in full flight.
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While I support the ideas presented in this piece. The idea behind suggesting that someone being camp is a negative thing that should be highlighted is not a thing I would advise, this kind of language has no place in a modern open Scotland that aims to be inclusive. In fact I stopped reading at this point and am disappointed that you lost your sense of decency by using that term to other every Scot who does not conform to the heteronormative backwards standards we need to reject.
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Is ‘camp’ abusive? Must admit, in my indignation against the attacks on Grousebeater, I was keen to get the ‘Labour Camp’ phrase in. My focus was entirely on the fake ant–semitism accusations. On reflection, I stand corrected and will remove it.
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I think the Kenneth Williams lookalike thing still stands?
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